All Reviews by Geronibear
Duke of Knockers, The #2Studio: Big TopOne Of Big Top's Besti approach renting "big top" movies with caution, as there's often more eye-candy topless display than actual sex. thankfully, this is definitely not the case here! five actresses ranging from great to outstanding, and every one of them gives a good "reverse cowgirl" sex shot -- which, as far as i'm concerned, is the real "money shot" in a big-boob flick. try to imagine a good big-boob movie in which brittany o'neil (a.k.a. "busty britanny") has the smallest rack! well, this is the one; and even leanna lovelace, often just decoration, has a great, explicit hardcore scene. footnote: there's an interesting contrast in minka's two scenes: in the first, she looks dainty, paired with a guy about the size of "lurch" the butler -- in the second, with a much smaller partner, her true height of five foot eight is apparent and impressive. Knocked Up KnockersStudio: Big TopGot Milk? Chaz And Amber Do!okay, so i couldn't resist using that headline .... but wow! in the pregnant/lactation fetish category, this has to be one of the best, rivaling even the work of sahara sands, who is a legend in the genre. the "big name" star here is veronica brazil, and her scene is very good, but she's eclipsed by the two dairy queens who follow. amber in particular is a mind-blower, delivering the shot which is a tit man's dream -- on top of her man, fully impaled in a forward cowgirl and raining milk down into his mouth as she stirs his wand inside her. it's not perfect; in particular, chaz's guy wearing workshop eye protection while she squirts milk all over the lens is ridiculous -- seems about as anti-sexual as a scene with a steel-belted radial condom. but that's not enough to tarnish the top rating i give to this surprisingly great effort by big top. Tittie TwisterStudio: Big TopSkye Blue Has A Winnerskye blue, as a director, is probably the best thing that ever happened to big top. her style cures their most notorious weaknesses. you can count on a high hardcore to total time ratio, instead of long solo strip teases. the camera will linger on a good shot long enough to get you excited, but not long enough to bore you. the shot you hope for is always there. all the stuff that seems mandatory for a boob flick will be there, but not enough of it to put you to sleep. she has done all of this in "tittie twister," and, to top it off, did it with a refreshing change in a genre overloaded with bottle-blondes: we get a redhead (darla crane), a brunette (corina curves) and a black girl (lola lane) -- all three of them top-notch. it's not a perfect movie; i'd like to have seen darla on top of billy glyde a little more, and heard more of lola's deliciously dirty mouth. but that's nitpicking a really great movie. gentlemen, rent this one -- you may decide you don't prefer blondes after all (except for skye blue herself). Deep Throat GirlsStudio: Big TopDebi Alone Is Worth The Starshow does an actress become such a porn legend that she can star in movie marketed by "big top" if she doesn't have huge jugs? well, it helps if she's a leggy, athletic six-foot blonde with a "stark raving gorgeous" cover-girl face. it helps even more if she's the sort who takes charge of a scene and drives it with sheer, raging carnal lust so her partner can only hope to hang on for the wild ride. and it helps a lot if she's one of the top four deep-throat artists in the history of porn, too. that's debi diamond, every bit as good as linda lovelace, little oral annie, or bobbi bliss when it comes to swallowing a guy's personal weapon. now add that she's in a movie where everybody also gets laid, not one of those "oral only" rip-offs -- so debi can show another of her talents, a remarkable ability to hump back harder at a guy even with him on top. it's a short movie, just her scene and two more to fill out an hour. the other two aren't of the same caliber (99% of porn isn't as good as the least of debi diamond's scenes), but they don't do anything to detract from the five stars debi's performance earns. the movie is what it claims to be -- a gourmet debi diamond collector's item. Suck'Em Fuck'Em Squeeze'Em Tease'Em #1Studio: Big TopCrash And Burn!i saw the rating and wondered why it was so low; but that won't keep me away from a denise davies movie. still, i must concur. there's some five-star talent and photography here, but for starters, knock it down one star for the low ratio of hardcore to total time, a perennial big top blunder. take another off for "special's" scene (she seems about to fall asleep, and us along with her) and for lori pleasure's ridiculously long fake fingernails and the hardware in her pierced privates that makes you think of sex with a meat grinder. to be merciful, i'll only take one more off for somebody's horrible idea to throw in slow-motion to spoil some of the best shots, and to accompany it with a really annoying sound track that sounds like the voices are gargling with an electronic twang. producer sam xavier and director steve drake probably pointed the finger at each other for that, once the ratings started coming in ('fess up, guys, whose not-so-bright idea crashed and burned, here?) fortunately, the sequel is much better. stay tuned for the review of number three .... Big Tit BetrayalStudio: Big TopIt's A Betrayal, All Rightthe main reason for renting this one was the appearance of two big-boob, stripper-type stars who are hard to find: kayla kupcakes and candy andes. much to my disappointment, kayla kupcakes has only a lesbian scene, a fact that hasn't been well documented (believe me, i sent a correction to the internet adult film database in a hurry!). furthermore, there's no visual proof that the hardcore penetration shots during candy andes' scene are actually her, and not somebody else's privates spliced into the scene. having watched porn since the 1970's, i've seen that trick too often not to notice when the only explicit penetration shots are extreme close-ups that could be just about anybody, especially if those shots also change the pace and lighting, as they do here. it makes me suspect a rip-off that was common in cheap movies 25 years ago. so that leaves a cute plot, plus good straight hardcore scenes from lisa lipps, harley raine, and plenty uptopp (a.k.a. "ashley bust") to save the movie from being zero stars. thus, it's three stars for the three good hardcore scenes. as for the other two stars -- sorry, big top betrayed their audience. Titty Mania #6Studio: HeatwaveGood Gonzothis one has a nice variety of women, including pacific northwest stripper corina curves, porn veteran rebecca wild, and a relatively unknown canadian, logan labrent. even cumisha amado, not a favorite of mine, looks pretty good. the purist will note that at least 75% of the boobs are "enhanced;" i, for one, believe silicone beats no boobs at all -- any guy throwing corina or rebecca out of bed for fake boobs can send them my way!
the movie does waste a bit of time on solo teases, but not as bad as a big top or channel 69 production. for those who think rubbing a guy's wand in the cleavage is some kind of "fucking," there's plenty of that, a bit too much for my taste. there are also too many long close-ups that could just as easily be john doe socking it to jane roe, for all you see of the performer's identites in such shots. but other than that, this is pretty good gonzo, and i want to see the rest of the series. Emergency Ward Double DStudio: Big TopThe Good, The Bad, And The Lesbianthe good: this movie has the better of candy andes' two straight hardcore scenes known to the iafd. sana fey is looking really fine, with her long mane on the curly strawberry side. angelique looks pretty good, too, although not as good as she was in "thunderboobs." the movie has a british flavor, with the european ambulance sirens, announcements in an obviously english voice, and the word "casualty" to mean the emergency room. it also has some hilarious moments that are right out of monty python or mel brooks, right up to the appearance of the duke of knockers in the wrong movie at the end. the bad: this had to be minka's worst year, when she still had the lean, tennis-player frame but had tacked on those silicone volleyballs, making her look ridiculous. she looks a lot better five years later in "boobsville p.d." with some weight on her to balance those mammoth cans -- and she's never looked as good as when she first came over from korea and posed for "gent" with her natural double-d's. the lesbian: two scenes, wasting both lisa lipps and minka on lez-only roles, and giving some work to sarenna lee, who doesn't do any straight hardcore at all. three straight scenes out of five gets a maximum three stars out of five from this reviewer. M.I.L.T.F. #12Studio: HeatwaveHeatwave Beats Big Top At Their Own Gameafter reviewing several of big top's recent blunders, it's refreshing to see that somebody still knows how to make a boob flick. of course, if you don't like them over 30, you shouldn't see an miltf movie, and if you're a purist about natural bodies, half or less of this will appeal to you. having neither problem, i give it five stars. it's not perfect -- poor pam peaks got too much sun and is covered with freckles, for example. but it's still four great scenes from four favorites. a word about pam peaks and kat kleevage: these ladies get bad press for pumped-up boobs and lips, but hey, guys, they did it for us, and it wasn't painless. if you wouldn't put your johnson through the same thing for women, at least show some gratitude! they're both sex goddesses in my book -- as are penny and angelica. footnote: if you get deja vu from penny's scene, yeah, it's the same room, same decor as they used with her in "knockin' nurses 4" -- just a different stud. M.I.L.T.F. #7Studio: HeatwaveExtremes, Good And Badthis movie has great performances from three very good milf-type actress -- samantha taylor, ikari, and gigi. none of them have made a lot of films, and ikari is downright rare; all three are major lust objects of their kind. it even has a great performance by johnny thrust in the type of role he plays best -- a small, wimpy, gump-chinned college student taking on more than it looks like he can handle (ikari is an imposing amazon, a brunette valkyrie) and doing very well with her. if it weren't for the blunders in the movie, those three women and johnny would make it rate five stars. but, the blunders: first, the sound track. the music is constant, and it's loud. it's not bad music, but it's badly used. it doesn't take my music degree to know that film music is mainly background music, but heatwave made it decidedly foreground music, drowning out the dialogue (and thus the scenarios of how the young guy and the older woman get together). although i smile at the sound of somebody blowing a hot jazz trombone while a woman is blowing a guy's "trombone," still, it's supposed to be a sex movie, not will riker in ten forward on "star trek tng." the second blunder, i'm sorry, is the inclusion of rubee tuesday in the cast. she had some decent scenes in years past, but she's over the hill, now. her skin sags from her nearly emaciated ribs, making her look like she's starving, and her breasts are the answer to "how small can boobs be and still sag, droop, and flop?" when she opens her mouth wide to take the load at the end of her scene, you're immediately struck with how black and rotted her teeth are on the inside. rubee's scenes, these days, are thus reasons to avoid a movie. so, starting at five stars and taking one each off for the sound track blunder, and for rubee, i get three; for samantha, ikari, and gigi, i wish it could have been more.