All Reviews by Coolbreeze
Please! #1Studio: Evil Angel“I Wouldn’t Shave Ass Hair with this Disc”…CHANTAY – I rented this movie largely for her; ass is fat when she’s standing but decent when bent over or riding pole while actor stands; her face is cute enough but not remarkable. JAZMINE – not very attractive. The rest are not very good looking or my type and ALL DEFINITE PROS. Nothing amateur here. I couldn’t give two squirts for this movie. Lewd Conduct #10Studio: Diabolic“Spread those Cheeks and Go Greek”…There is a fair amount of corning here but most of the girls getting corned are fair looking at best. Brandy (a.k.a. Eva in “Euro” movies) is the hottest girl in this movie with Princess the only other one “worth a hair on a burro’s ass”. Brandy’s MMF scene is fairly hot and excluding the addition of a shoulder tattoo, looks as hot as ever. The horn blowing and doggie-style are the best segments. There is a great medium high-angle shot of her smoking pole and taking it from behind. The underneath angles were a little overdone but not as much as a lot of movies. The scene set-up is lame but who gives a carp…this girl is “hotter than a piss sandwich”. If only this movie had more than two attractive girls it could’ve been a lot better. Next!
Asian Lollipops #1Studio: Heatwave“Pure Filth…not in a Good Way”…SABRINE MAUI – She has a thin body and I can barley tell it is her. This must have been one of her first movies. It reminds me of girls you knew in high school that were just “okay” and you see them in college and they blow your hair back. The skin of the actors appears an orange color at times (it fluctuates) throughout the movie. There is a nice high-angle horn-blow shot but then they subject us to crappy stuff like underneath doggie-style shots of hairy t-sacks and hairy corn-holes. The dialogue is lame and the cheap dated-looking motel rooms add nothing. LEILANI WONG – She has looked cute in the past but not in this movie. They really did nothing to bring out the attractiveness of any of these girls. There is some bad lighting on the doggie-style action. There is a nice cam angle on some doggie-style action. ANNA MAY – face not cute; body thick; gross stomach tat; orange skin back again. THAI – thick body; not cute. MAYUMI – face not cute; body thin but still not watchable. Between the terrible image quality, the unattractive actresses and the lousy camera angles this is a “wet turd” of a movie. Next! Up Your Ass #16Studio: Anabolic“Jade was an Appropriate Name Choice”…The only decent or better looking tail in this entire movie was JADE. She wasn’t amazing or anything but had appealing qualities and characteristics. She didn’t overact (for the most part) but she took two very large or huge tools WAY too easily which sabotaged her effort. Honey please…you have to at least act as if you can feel it or are “affected” in a clear way when they enter your foxhole and especially your cornhole. Men REQUIRE this in their porn at the bare minimum level. Her body was a bit thick but her sweet “cheeks” and rack-of-lamb helped me forget for a while. Unfortunately many camera angles were low angles and not very appealing. We needed more high-angle shots, dragon position, medium shots, 45 degree angle panning shots etc. LEXINGTON STEELE did give her a nice facial blast to conclude the scene. Finally, if her name was “Jade” then the rest of the female talent in this movie should be named “dirty, roughed up boulder fragment on side of road”. NEXT! 18 And Nasty #27Studio: T.T.B. Productions"Asses Galore, Oh My Oh My..."I watched the Reina/Muriel scene and the Orsi/Mindy scene. The other girls just didn't do it for me. Reina is a Japanese hottie who has looked hotter in other movies I've reviewed. She has a terrific ass but in this movie her body reminds me of a $2.00 road whore (i.e. bruises, blemishes, zits) during her off days. Fortunately I can overlook it as she takes on a Latino hung like a baby mule and FINALLY gets done doggie-style. The camera work starts off great in the doggie position but very quickly transitions to the penetration close-up which I have no very little interest in. Let's see more leg and butt during the doggie-action. Or, switch to the high-angle shot where we can see her back and the penetration at a more visually appealing angle. Earlier the girls served him orally and that is pretty nice as well. Again, Reina's enthusiasm is well under par. I swore I saw a look of disgust at one point. The Mindy/Orsi scene began slowly but finished well with another male tag-teaming in. They finish off Mindy with a double-stuff. Orsi is pretty cute but a visit to the dermatologist would do wonders. Sometimes I wonder if these girls realize that they're in front of a camera where people are admiring them and YES judging them as well. Flesh Hunter #2Studio: Jules Jordan VideoMy Fond Memories Didn't Come To Fruition...I had such fond memories of the wrath I unleashed on my "pony" back when I first watched this film when it was released. In fact, the DVD broke which at the time was a devastating loss to my collection. Anyway for nostalgia, I rented this again in the hopes I could re-live some of my Jenna Haze fantasies. Unfortunately, either my tastes have changed or it simply wasn't as good as I remembered it. I found the camera work to be only slightly above average. Also, certain sexual positions weren't held very long and others were held a bit too long without at least modifying the perspective. Make no mistake about it, Jenna has a very pretty face, a cute voice, a very nice body with a terrific ass. Her energy was good during her MMMF but I think I misremembered her acting in this film. It came off as very staged and her enthusiasm really felt too forced. Regardless, I liked the Miss Teen California storyline. And the doggie-style action on the stairs was hot. I will tell you that she looks even better in person. My girl and I saw her at an LA "Dance Club" in 2006 and she stole the show. Not a girl in the place held a candle to her once she hit the stage. I wish she never went blond though. She looks better as a brunette...but either way, she's a hottie. I scanned the rest of the scene again but none of these girls held my interest for more than a city minute. XXX Road Trip #1Studio: Vince Vouyer Unleashed“Too Pretty for Porn”…JENNA – her face is okay but her body is amazing. Seriously speaking the facets of her ass are un-be-live-able. There were some decent medium shots of MMF doggie-style action with her. There weren’t any high-angle or dragon position visuals which would have been spectacular on this girl. ESTA – this girl is a bit thick but she is kind of cute. She gets worked over in a MMMF scene. EVA (a.k.a. Alexa May) – I don’t even like red heads given the usual “freckle factor” but this girl doesn’t have them and is -- “hotter than a piss sandwich”. Her face was one of the prettiest I’ve EVER seen in porn. She wasn’t incredibly energetic but she was very accommodating. The very fact that she was in a MMF scene and got corned by above average tools was visually amazing. I was left in disbelief when I reached the end of her scene. How could they skip doggie-style on a honey as pretty as she is. Possibly she has a fat ass or a flat ass? The puss to corn action is pretty hot and her foxhole is very aesthetically pleasing to the eye. The missionary pounding at the close was hot as hell as she was clearly affected. At the end of the day, this movie was sabotaged by missing camera angles and WAY too many underneath camera angles. Bring'Um Young #8Studio: Anabolic“Five Nierney Birneys and One Nugget”…Five of these girls were of “no interest” to me but KACEY or KACEY KOX was worth the look. Once again the director placed her in a nice outfit and was smart enough to leave her partially clad during the sex. I only wish all directors did this to hide her nasty tramp stamp. Per her driver’s license (shown in movie) she is 19 years-old. She takes on two meaty poles in this movie and grimaces or squints her eyes as Mr. Marcus goes -- “all in”. She is looking pretty thin in this movie with her slightly meaty but well shaped booty. The doggie-style horn-blow action was the hottest. Thankfully Mr. Marcus often covers up her tramp stamp by placing his hand in the small of her back. Also, there were some nice high-angle shots featuring horn-blowing and missionary sex. The DP action was decent but the cornhole missionary action was better. She doesn’t look the greatest blowing horn even though her face is cute. I think she does weird stuff with her face and deep throats too much. All in all, a decent scene with her but the rest of the movie “blows doors”. Filthy Little Whores #3Studio: Sin City“The Title is Accurate…I’ll Give Them That”…There were a few decent looking girls and most fit the “trailer trash” image to a “T”…the “WT” that is. If you like White Trash this movie will likely work for you. The black actress on the cover wasn’t as hot as the cover shot and she only received a missionary pounding and missionary corning. There is a lot of cornhole action throughout this movie. MONIQUE DEMOAN takes on Brian Pumper. She has fair skin, a skinny frame and a long and skinny beak. Her ass is nicely shaped and the doggie-style action was good. However, her facial looks and gross ankle tat just didn’t quite cut the mustard. A redhead gets tag-teamed in a dumpster by two black dudes and the sex is pretty decent. Another couple shag on the back of a garbage truck and I snored through it. Some of the girls had better than “okay” looks but this was all too professional for me and largely forgettable. Two In The Seat #1Studio: Red Light District“They got me...fooled by the box cover”…TOLLI CRISTALL – She’s a tall, skinny Mongolian girl with a mediocre face that speaks only her foreign tongue. It is a MMF scene involving two large tools. She has a tough time (i.e. gets noisy, reaches her hand back) when they double-stuff her in the riding position. She looks best when lying flat in the doggie position. ASHLEY – is a fairly cute, slightly pudgy whitey brunette. She does a MMF interracial scene. The tools she takes on are kind of skinny which she easily handles. Also, she’s got the fake porn actress thing down pat which turns me off in the end. JESSICA – I don’t get her at all. Next! ALAURA – She looks like she’s pushing thirty yet fairly attractive. I watched some of her MMF scene but her over-the-top porn acting bored me. KRISTOL – This girl isn’t pretty and has a really bad $5.00 rack of lamb job. I’m out! CINDY – She’s from the Czech Republic and fairly appealing with a little extra padding. The interracial sex with two hung black guys is pretty good but not electric. In conclusion, these girls simply looked better on the box cover than they did on my TV screen. I’m still trying to figure out how Ashley Blue came across as Asian or half-Asian on the box cover.