All Reviews by Geronibear
|Suck'Em Fuck'Em Squeeze'Em Tease'Em #5|
Studio: Big Top
A Great Movie -- Badly Screwed Up
i had great hopes for this movie, as it has four hits on my "most wanted actress" list, and the fifth one looked good, too. it did deliver most of the goods, including great reverse cowgirl shots with penny porsche and summer sinn, and equally good low-angle oral shots with their humongous hooters in the picture. it had a couple nice surprises, too -- brittany andrews smokes with her guy face down in her groin, the best scene of that kind since dolly sharp did it in "deep throat." and mia's offbeat scene was pretty good, since she had such a hard time not laughing at her stud's attempts to be a dominating sob. so why only two stars? there's the absence of an rc shot with brittany, but that's minor. there's the usual big top bullfeathers of wasting about half your porn dollar on solo stuff. but what really kills it is crew interference with the scenes. when i'm fantasizing sex with brittany andrews, that doesn't involve her talking with a director about what she's going to do with me next! that's not the worst -- big top totally trashed deauxma's scene with audible wisecracks from the crew, still camera flashes, cameras caught in the picture, and crew members' moving legs visible around the edge of the action. that scene stunk, it was amateurish, and it's no fault of deaumax's. to producer sam xavier: footage showing how you made a scene belongs in a separate "behind the scenes" extra, not in the scene itself, destroying the viewer's fantasies of being with the actress in private. it would be nice if big top could produce a deauxma scene as professional as the ones she makes herself to sell on her web site.
|Interracial Lactating Extravaganza #1|
Studio: Totally Tasteless Video
in spite of the credit on the front cover, and the picture on the back with her in a 3-way with a white girl, sirena lewis is not in this compilation of scenes from the old "lactamania" series. the sahara sands fan should also be warned that she doesn't get laid in this flick -- her scene (from lactamania #2) is essentially "bj only" except for squirting milk and the use of a purple plastic dildo. filmco isn't a top-flight studio, and this is below even their standards.
|Big Titty Slammers #7|
how many ways can filmco let you down? well, for starters, they have a lisa sparxxx scene in which she never gets on top, and if you've ever seen lisa slam a stud in reverse cowgirl, you know what's missing here. another disappointment is xxxena's scene, which never gives a full-body shot during sex. the whole series is short on original footage, and in this one, they used katanya blade's scene from "big boob bangeroo #21" and bunny bleu's scene from "big boob bangeroo #11." incidentally, that's not the best of katanya, as she appears here with her hair dyed almost gothed-out black, and shorter than usual (if you want to see katanya at her best, try "big boob dirty 30's #1"). but, surprise, this video also contains the first ava devine scene i've actually liked. she came off as a sexy woman instead of her usual bellowing animal self, and they got the good angles on her, too. hardcore ava fans will find her scene "tame," but i found it really refreshing not to have to hit "mute" for fear the neighbors would think a woman was getting killed in my place, or that i was having an argument with a woman whose every other word was "fuckin'" shouted at the top of her lungs. considering the other missed opportunities and the recycled material, i find myself saying something i never thought i'd say: "ava devine saved the flick from being a no-star rating."
|Nasty Housewives #1|
Dana Got The Runt Of The Litter
i tend to enjoy "older women" or "milf" movies, as most of the "older women" in adult movies are still younger than i am (i was old enough to get into the theater when "deep throat" was new, and these days, anything under 40 looks like "jail bait" to me). so i'm a big fan of cover girl dana hayes and also of carole troy. carole's scene was predicatably great, including her usual anal shots. even ginny lewis, appearing here with her hair bleached blonde, wasn't too bad. but dana's scene had to be among her worst, and it's no fault of hers; instead, it's the fault of the australian stud she got, who has serious fallout problems, hardly ever giving her more than about ten strokes per penetration. i admit to thinking "if that young guy can't give dana hayes a sustained banging, put me in, coach!" speaking of football: delilah "down," by the way, is delilah dawn, her scene is lifted from "grandma does dallas," and it's pretty good. the movie ends with a double bummer -- rubee tuesday, and in a lesbian scene at that. one star off for dana's incompetent stud, and one star off for a lesbian scene makes it a three-star movie, imho.
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