All Reviews by Geronibear
|Casting Couch, The|
Ron's Debut As A Director
ron jeremy: like him or not, he's a porn icon who has been around since the golden age, and a major figure in the industry. this is his debut as a director, and it's a hilarious hit. that's a good trick to pull off with the oft-used and time-worn theme of pretending to be a movie producer to get in women's pants. it helps that this is one of sue nero's movies, and if you haven't seen her, you're culturally deprived -- she's from the days when boobs were real and her humongous hooters made sure she appeared in every peep show arcade in the late 1970's. as for ron as an actor: this is long before he put on the weight that makes him mr. "hedgehog" today; he's almost as trim as he was in "taboo iii," and as usual, he's a great comedian, right up to the movie's final hilarious twist.
Who's On Whom Where And When?
this could have been a good movie if there weren't so much intercutting of scenes. but in some places, you barely have time to say "meanwhile, out at the pool" before it's "and then, back in the bedroom" or "while, out on the lawn." this doesn't even serve a plot, as the movie doesn't really have one -- just a theme. the movie is a good look at several major "golden age" stars in their youth, including erica boyer, kristara barrington, kevin james, peter north, and tom byron. but its discontinuity prevents it from being stroking material.
|For Richer For Poorer|
A Gerard Damiano Classic
there was a time when it was "adult cinema," instead of "porn," when budgets were big, sets were lavish, music was composed for the film, and actors and actresses had to be able to act -- because the movies had plots, often heavy psychosexual ones. such movies reached more than your genitals; they could involve your mind, your heart, even your soul. they had elements missing from modern porn, elements like love, romance, and beauty. this is such a film, from the master gerard damiano, who also directed two of the most seminal movies of the industry, arguably the two most famous adult movies of all time: "deep throat" and "the devil in miss jones." here, working again with the star of the latter, georgina spelvin, damiano creates another classic psychodrama. spelvin smoulders here as gina just as she did as miss jones. comparing a movie like this to what comes out of porn valley today is like comparing beethoven to heavy metal; it's not the same world. highly recommended, except to the viewer who only wants a jerk-off disk.
|Golden Age Of Porn, The: Chessie Moore|
Chessie At Her Best
take this series as they intend it: each one about an hour focused on one star from porn's "golden age." i've seen a lot of chessie moore, as she's a favorite (among other things, she probably made the best reverse cowgirl shot in porn history in "big bust babes #7") -- so i was amazed to find this is all footage of her i hadn't seen before. and chessie is unique: cute girlish face, cute girlish voice, but five foot eight with a body that's part amazon, part valkyrie, and part neolithic fertility goddess. this was her best time, too, when she'd had just enough surgery to correct her naturally lopsided breasts, and still looked soft, warm, and almost natural. sexual ability? in the course of this movie, each of her three orifices is double penetrated, and she almost giggles with pleasure from it! this is a piece of porn history to be seen!
|Golden Age Of Porn, The: Candy Samples|
Very Poor Selection Of Scenes
i knew there would be a lot of faking just from seeing john holmes on the cover. i don't know of any scene of these two that isn't faked with another woman's privates (for example, watch "terrible aunt candy" to see what deft fakers they were). in this movie, there's the long orgy scene mentioned by other reviwers, in which you see several other golden age stars get laid, but not candy. there are two quick oral-only clips from "cherry candy" and "candy's cathouse" -- and that's the end. she never gets laid anywhere in the movie. there's no excuse for this selection of scenes, because there is explicit hardcore penetration footage of candy extant; they just didn't find it or use it.
|40+ And Humming|
It's All Blow Jobs
that's right, it's all blow jobs. according to the narrow definition of "sex" given to me, nobody had sex with these women. not even kat kleevage, crazy as i am about her, can save an all-oral movie -- particularly since the fat, hairy guy she was with forgot to take his viagra before coming onto the set. believe me, kat can do a lot more exciting things in front of a camera than suck on wet spaghetti for fourteen minutes.
to make matters worse, some of these mature ladies do the oral favor as do many of the younger starlets of the new millennium. to them, and to the young ones, those of us old enough to get into the porn theater 35 years ago would say: "linda lovelace and little oral annie didn't gag and slobber. your messy act isn't half as erotic as theirs. if you can't get it down your throat without acting like you need a heimlich maneuver, don't try it in front of a camera until you can."
there ought to be a law in porn valley that all-oral movies be prominently labeled as such on the front cover, and "we never said it was anything else" is no defense.
|Big Boob Celebration|
Studio: Big Top
Precious Stuff In The Junk
has maybe 15 minutes of good porn intercut with drivel, like a drawn-out lesbian scene and long shots of leanna lovelace rubbing her cleavage on the bedpost. but it's a precious 15 minutes: explicit footage of justa dream and nilli willis. that makes it a "must see" for any big-boob aficionado.
Three-Fifths Of Great
really fine women, pretty hot sex, including an ariana jollee dp and tiana lynn squirting like an industrial fire sprinkler system. has some of the repulsive 2000's junk, the slobber, spitting, gagging, and slapping, but it's not overboard with it. surprisingly, the routine with the shot glass came off well every time.
what attracted me was that i've got the smoking fetish, and every scene in the movie starts with a tease involving smoking. four of the five girls gave a smoking scene that's better than anything ty endicott ever produced. but a word to director erin sky: the smoking fetish is about smoke-breathing women -- that's "breathing," as in "inhale, hold, and let it out the barely open lips or the bitchy nose." it's not about how much sloppy, acrid, un-inhaled smoke she can make for the camera. it takes a real-life habitual smoker to do it right, and that's where gia just fell flat -- she looks like a pretentious adolescent smoking maybe the second cigarette of her life, an impression made worse by the baby face that belies her true age and the awful, pretentious elevator-sole boots.
but it's not for one bad smoking fetish clip that i docked the movie two stars -- its because of two scenes with no vaginal sex. if you have only oral and anal, that's appetizer and dessert without the main course. there's no excuse for that, as we're getting so over-saturated with anal these days that it's nothing special enough to replace the vaginal sex, the one act that only a woman can do. three vaginal sex scenes out of five scenes means a maximum three stars out of five from this reviewer, no exceptions!
A Future Classic
it's not about female domination, although that's the instrument; it's about female revenge, revenge on men for exploiting women for sex -- and the form of the revenge is to turn the tables, to make the men the victims of the full power, capability, and desires of raging female lust. it starts with nicki hunter being ravished and becoming the ravisher. it continues through three more scenes, all with demanding women in total control, and nicki appearing at the end of each scene like the little imp on the shoulder goading the woman to possess, to dominate, to seize retribution. and it ends in a stylized hell with footlights for flames, where nicki finds a murdered girl (julie night), presents her with her two murderers, rolled in on a cart, and helps her ravish them in vengeance. the sets are well done, the lighting is surely the gaffer's masterpiece, every performer proves, to our amazement, that porn stars can still act, and most of all, it's a powerful, dark, spellbinding psychodrama that makes its creator a worthy successor to golden age greats such as gerard damiano. that creator, the producer, director, and star, is nicki hunter. it's billed "from the mind of nicki hunter," and it's "psychotic." of course it is -- creative genius often is a bit insane.
|Neighborhood Sluts #2|
do i have to give this thing a star? how about five big negative ones? look closely, guys ... it says the movie fits categories "oral," "masturbation," and "busty." that's all it has. if you don't see it on the back cover, it doesn't happen. kiki daire, jessica jewel, and sterling are three of my favorites. they're also the three who didn't even give a blow job in this movie. sterling didn't even use a sex toy. i'm glad i rented this one, though, for the chance to tell the rest of you guys not to waste a rental slot on it!
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