All Reviews by Coolbreeze
"Watch a Toad Become a Princess..."
Okay, so maybe not a princess...but she's pretty attractive. This is a surreal movie which involves a psychologist, religion and drug users to name a few. The film opens with a vacuum cleaner salesman with two "hoses". Sylvia (the featured actress) morphs from a homely school marm (okay, not old) to a $2.00 whore periodically throughout the film. There are plenty of sex scenes if only the duration of these scenes were longer. The biggest ASSets of this film are the natural bodies, fairly interesting storyline and group sex/orgy. One actress gets restrained and slapped around which seemed a bit over the top. However, the sequence calms down as she leaves the room prior to any sex taking place. The lighting is at times subpar but not horrible. One scene has Sylvia in MMF sex in a "sandbox" style bed. Typical of 70s' films there is some good natural heat but sexual positions aren't held long enough for us to enjoy that heat. Also, they have too many long shots when medium or close-ups would've given the viewer a much better perspective. Overall, this is pretty decent classic 70s' porn but it may be tough for you to "peel the onion".
A Very Accurate Title Indeed...
Becky Savage has one of the best posteriors of the 70s' and beyond. Her face isn't great but her body is comparable to Veronica Hart, Angel and Annette Haven. Watching Johnny Wad take her doggie-style was the highlight of this film. Unfortunately, the film is bogged down with too many flashbacks/flash-forwards. Also, the sex scenes are WAY too short. I thought the overall story was pretty decent and had some nice locations. The worst scene for me was the 2 on 1 (MMF) that took place in a tray of fake auto shop grease. Not visually appealing to me but maybe it works for some.
"A Film Worth Less Than One Hair On A Burro's Butt"...
If I could go into negative stars I would. The premise of the story is the best thing about this film. Maybe one actress has passable looks with the rest possessing looks unworthy of adult movies. The video quality is god awful. I know that other classics like "Behind the Green Door" looked better visually than this. I think the fast forward button on my remote may be broken after this viewing. Please skip this film unless you enjoy grainy, fuzzy, dull visual images and poor sound quality. Chuck Woolery has nothing on me. This DVD was out the door and in the mailbox quicker than -- "Two and Two".
|Bad Girls #2|
“Pretty Babies only Equates to Maybe”…
This movie has pretty girls with nice bodies but at the end of the day it is sabotaged by poor image quality (horrible graininess and washed out lighting) and sex scenes that are often poorly directed. The story is pretty decent with above average execution. Early in the movie a song with “bad girls” in the lyrics plays in a roadhouse bar. This may be one of the better songs ever featured in an xxx movie. Sex occurs in a jailhouse and the stockroom of the bar. Ron Jeremy stars as a deputy sheriff who also starred in Bad Girls #1 (as I recall) where he played the role of a boy scout (albeit much too old). The storyline features four city girls who drive a van into rural small town America. There is plenty of teasing, flashing and sexual innuendos throughout the movie. The images during the sex are very grainy and the lighting is simply too bright at times. The best sex scene is the jailhouse lesbian orgy where “Ron Jon” takes on a Blondie while two girls take care of each other. With a little more creativity on the sex scenes and better image quality this film could have easily been a three-star affair. Unfortunately, the pretty talent is wasted where only the sexual hijinks and storyline stand out.
|Kristara Barrington Wants It Bad!|
“A Decent Example of why Classics Rock!”
KRISTARA BARRINGTON – The girl isn’t the hottest Asian ever to star in porn but her body is all natural and nice to look at. Also, the fact that she is natural, tat-free and into the sex makes it all the better. Excluding the orgy scene the scenes are too short and transitions between positions are too quick to make this good whack material. The orgy scene features another Asian who may be GAILE getting some DP action and then the two guys take on her and Kristara. Soon after two blonde whities take on the guys. There wasn’t enough Kristara action but it was a nice scene regardless. I was fired up to see Kristara take on RON JEREMY and his timber but the doggie-style action was brief and camera angles were lousy. The video quality is pretty good with nominal issues at best. The whole piece seemed really short and definitely didn’t include her best stuff.
"Bring on the Golden Blondie"...
I knew it was a good sign when I (brunette lover) loved the lead blonde whitey actress, NANCY SUITER. She reminds me of some 80s' actress or singer but I can't place it (Aimee Mann? Deborah Harry?). JOHN HOLMES does this honey (equipped with a nice ass) doggie-style and smokes the donkey dong. The storyline here is pretty nice and scenes are more interesting than porn scenes of today. There is a decent jail cell sex scene and an above average gangbang/domination scene to conclude the movie. You don't see a domination/gangbang sex scene like this anymore. Quite possibly it is no longer "street legal" to do it in this fashion. Some dudes are fairly hung and some aren't and most girls are good looking. The gangbang finale was the hottest scene but could've been even hotter if the actors weren't all packed into such a tight frame of view. Also, Nancy needed to be involved in a MMF doggie-style horn-blow sequence during the finale gangbang. Overall, the visual quality is very good considering it is a 70s' movie. This movie reminds me why I love classic porn.
|Hot Child In The City|
“Hot…I Say Not”…
“East Coast Guy” was dead-on balls accurate in his observation that the two starlets are clearly NOT hot. For the 70s’ they “may” be average looking. For 2013, they are borderline trolls with okay (at best) natural figures. One of the girls shags her well hung boyfriend as the movie opens in the burbs. Afterwards her friend drops by and the girls catch a bus into the city (NYC). There an ugly old pimp recruits them to give him some “horn” and then work his big city bordello. There is a MFFF scene with John Holmes and a seriously hot light haired thin brunette. Amazingly she is the focus of his donkey dong. He gets great horn from her, missionary and doggie-style (if only he kept his damn arm out of the way…I do really mean his “arm”). Scenes like this are “peek-a-boos” with the two trolls and the pimp peaking into various rooms. The footage looks unnatural and appears to have been pilfered from other movies and spliced into this movie. There is other decent talent on display but the trolls are the primaries here. The storyline is weak for 70s’ fare but passable. Had the trolls not been the focus this could’ve been a much better picture.
|Girls On Fire|
"Angelic Beauty not Fully Utilized"...
Another reviewer says that Angel was the "prettiest girl in porn history"...and I wouldn't dare dispute that statement. The girl was a Penthouse Pet of the Month (as I previously read) and it would've been a pure gift even if she had only made one adult film in her career. As luck has it, she made many. Unfortunately, many of them are hard to find or unavailable. Anyway, back to the film. The storyline is pretty decent. The highlights were when Ginger Lynn took it deep in a variety of positions from John Holmes. Seeing that small ass getting done doggie by a donkey tool made was very hot visually. The oral by her is good as well. Angel is wasted in this film. The guy does her missionary which is a tremendous waste when the girl has a four-star ass. At least she looks good "blowing horn". The best sexual heat came from Kimberly Carson in a MMF scene. An additional complaint was that the contrast was off. Maybe I could've resolved it by adjusting the contrast on my TV but I was simply too lazy after a long day's work. Everyone's skin looked like they used those orange tanning bronzers from the 80s'.
|Best Of Gail Palmer, The|
“Talk About Burying the Python”…
In one scene this essentially occurs (literally and figuratively) as an actress caresses and buffs a python’s head near her “foxhole”. Unfortunately, this is one of the only real highlights of the movie. This might serve as a good historical reference but you won’t have an easy time “peeling the onion”. The visual quality is okay given the age of the footage but nothing was very noteworthy. John Holmes is in many of the scenes but they weren’t his best. At the end of the day, “my thumb was numb”…due to excessive fast-forwarding. Next!
|Golden Age Of Porn, The: John Holmes|
“The Donkey has Left the Building”…
I’m still trying to figure out how much they paid the girls who were willing to let John Holmes take them the corn-route? And yes, one girl does so in this compilation. There is a pretty hot scene featuring Seka, J. Holmes and Jamie Gillis. Throughout the movie there are nice extreme close-ups of girls blowing John’s monster dong. Only one scene was very poor visually (washed out), an outdoor scene in the back of a pick-up truck. The rest of the movie’s visual quality is good…especially given the age of the scenes. Some scenes have a younger J. Holmes and some feature the more seasoned man. I would agree that the movie could have been longer (60 minutes is short for any decade of porn) given the archive to choose from. All in all, this is a pretty good representation of the Swordsman in action.
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