All Reviews by Coolbreeze
|Screw My Wife Please #14|
"I Wouldn't Line My Cat's Litter-Box With This Film"...
And he is 6 feet under. Seriously, if the bet is to "drink a quart of female antelope urine" OR view "Screw My Wife Please #14", opt for the antelope urine. Only Mrs. Jacob is kind of, sort of, somewhat attractive. And even she looks 40+. The Old Man Narrator gets "horn jobbed" by about every girl in the movie which takes away from the realism of this staged series. Also, the acting is sub-par compared with other movies in the series. In fact the actors barely make an effort to sell you on them being a real couple. Rent #41 or #49 in the series if you want more realism with some prettier girls. Many scenes are shot outdoors in #14 and at times it washes out the actors. I was unable to use this film to "pet the penguin" -- enough said.
|Orgy World #7|
Studio: Evasive Angles
"Plenty of decent pouch punching but..."
Plenty of hammering goes on but nothing all that spectacular. The 2nd scene is much better than the 1st. The 1st is loaded with a bunch of nasty asses. Most of the girls had too much of a road whore/stripper look, more testosterone than the men and weren't even good looking. It just didn't fire me up. Lena Julliett has a tight ass and looks great riding tool. She even takes it in the corn while riding. Scene one opens with a lezbo orgy that lasts for ten plus minutes. One Asian girl (looks Filipino) has a few extra pounds but at least comes off a little more natural in the sex and lets the actor do the work. She takes it up the ass but visually it isn't great since her skin is all stretched out and far from aesthetically pleasing to the eye. She looked nice blowing horn. Jazmin is a pretty girl and looks hot doing doggie. A white girl with a nice ass does a MMF doggie sequence that is pretty hot. Eventually I tuned out on scene one though because there were simply too many loose unattractive labia flapping in the wind. Scene 2 had a cheerleader theme and three winners: Destiny, Asia and Kammy. This scene had much more MMF and FFM out of the gate. Asia acts like a Hood Rat which didn't sell but at least she had energy. Unfortunately, she was a broken record with her nasty talk. She looked terrific taking a Clydesdale penis and sucking on it. quite a contrast given her tiny frame. At one point she shows her contortionist abilities. They should've utilized this more in a variety of positions. I dated a Chinese contortionist briefly and it brought back some excellent memories. Destiny (Indian) is neglected for the most part and no doggie included. Lucia is a thick Brazilian girl but too thick for my tastes. Kammy is the winning performer participating in some serious "butt fondue" in a MMMF segment. You should have no problem doing the "Tool Tango" to this DVD even though it is nothing to write home about.
|Love Dat Asian Pussy #2|
Studio: West Coast
“ASSputin Does Some Damage Here”…
There are some pretty girls and I was excited to see a Korean in one of these interracial films. Typically we see happa (half Asian), Filipino or Thai girls. Unfortunately, Karen’s body appeared to contain a few Krispy Kreme’s too many for my taste. The creamy white skin was nice but I couldn’t get past the thunder thighs and flat butt. I’ll admit the camera work didn’t provide her with much of an assist. Keelani has a great ass (minus the distracting low back tat) and looked hot getting her corn buttered by Mr. Marcus. He really hammers away which she seems to be fairly into. I do wish her noise making were a little more genuine during vaginal sex…but at least the “backdoor bingo” brought out the authenticity in her vocal stylings. Carla was the hottest girl with great close-up doggie action of her sweet posterior. Her pretty face looked nice as it was being decorated but you could clearly tell she was “not a fan”. The Nautica/Katsumi (both girls look happa) sausage tag-team was just “ok”. The spray-down was unleashed on Katsumi’s toes and Nautica lapped it up like a kitten would milk (ok, not that much enthusiasm was involved). Lisa looked good getting whaled on while wearing her tall whore boots. They skip doggie which was disappointing since her ass looked nice during cowgirl. More positions here would’ve increased the heat. Gissle (I guess we know what she likes about sex) looks Thai (possibly Vietnamese) and is barely affected by the sex with a large weapon. Her name is semi-confirmed as her handiwork during oral is impressive. She had too many skin blemishes on her body for me so I moved on. All in all, several good looking girls but this just isn’t all that special with moderate heat at best.
|Japanese Erotica File #9|
Studio: Oriental Dream
“Failure to Close the Deal”…
The director has some great ideas and there are some great camera angles but most aren’t held for more than 15 seconds. I’m not sure why directors forget that this is a “peeling the onion” movie. SARINA – as usual, face not as pretty as it looks on the box cover. Weird paper clip looking clip-on piercing is on her clit (it was placed on in the “bonus scene”). Lots of puss licking, corn licking and dildo/vibrator/bullet play. The vibrator in the foxhole while smoking horn was a nice concept but not executed that well…barely fired her up. Nice horn-blow cam angles; great side 45 degree angle shots with her on her knees; too much underneath doggie-style shots. MARI – excessive oral/dildo play; nice subjective view doggie-style shot; ass is a touch flat but overall it is nice. YUKA – orange hair color is not hot; skinny body with medium-sized ass; condom on but it is pink so you nearly forget about it; twenty seconds of dragon position…what were you thinking?; lots of nice doggie-style at the end…if only she didn’t have ass bruises this would’ve been really good. The best thing about this is most Japanese girls only shag Japanese guys on film. This one features whitey actors.
|Spring Chickens #9|
"Plenty of Ink on that Stink"....
The premise of this movie is ri-coc-u-lous in that the girls cluck like chickens upon command. CHANEL CHAVEZ – She has looked better and the braids weren’t as hot as I’d anticipated. A hung black actor corns her with spit as lube. This would be as good as it gets. The camera angles mostly blew doors. There was some brief “wheel barrel” action, lying on side and doggie-style (with way too much underneath camera work). There were no high angle shots, subjective view or panning shots around that nice body. ASIA – When this girl opens her mouth it sniffs like a $2.00 road whore with an elementary school education. What a turn-off! Her body is decent excluding the Papermate project illustrated on her backside. This MMMF scene concludes with the actors painting her eyes, face and hair. Her eyes were pelted with enough saltwater surprise to drown a cat. She was clearly not a fan and the crew and actors made it worse by taking their time in getting her what she requested. Finally one guy pours bottled water over her face which only slightly improved her disposition. RANDI WRIGHT – This girl has some hideous ink and isn’t very attractive but her body looks pretty splendid when they bend her over the couch in a doggie-style horn-blow segment. There is a hot high-angle shot and even the medium shot is nice. DILLAN – This girl is fairly attractive but the sex just didn’t fire me up. The oral was standard and the positions and camera work were mediocre. Unfortunately, this overall effort is simply typical blasé porn.
“A Big Nawe Kid”…
JASMINE – Sweet pea looks a lot prettier on the box cover than she is on screen. I know, typical. Regardless, her body is pudgy and she has an unappealing skin complexion on the bod. The best thing about her is the face. She has stretch marks on the ass as well. The sex is decent but there are way too many close-ups and poorly selected camera angles. She sounds Indian (dots not feathers) as best I can tell or recall. ASIA – “same ol, same ol” for this girl. HEATHER HUNT – Her face is pretty and the body is even better. I didn’t like her rack of lamb or fur patch tat but those legs, skin and ass are outstanding. This girl is seriously “long”. The doggie-style could’ve been way better had there been panning side shots, high-angle or dragon position (flat on stomach). She seemed to have to fake enthusiasm given the average-sized “lumber” she was provided. Regardless of the tool size it looks like a snug fit in her foxhole. That is a refreshing thing in porn. Again, the shape of this girl’s ass is something that won’t soon be forgotten. A small low back tat is only a mild distraction given the camera angles. I wasn’t sure whether I should be disgusted or turned on by all the drawn out cornhole creampies. One girl had a nasty looking corn and I thought my dinner might soon be “painting the wall by number”.
|Banana Cream Pie #3|
Studio: Video Team
No Superdupermodels But One Winner Stands Out...
The directing style is very nice and the POV camera angles are excellent. The only girl worth two squirts is Heidi Ho. Her face isn't going to win any beauty pageants but the body sure will. She is long and thin with a tight little butt. Watching Mr. Marcus go the "corn-route" on her was hot. She wasn't a big fan initially and they ended up having the smaller actors go there first. She makes some pretty nice noise (seemingly authentic) and the sex scenes are good and long. I concur that there is no way this little girl was climbing stairs for a few days. Rent it for Heidi, pocket-veto the others.
|Gangbang Auditions #14|
“This Whitey McGhee Won Me Over”…
CORA – I normally prefer the exotic look but this girl is too pretty to ignore. She has a long thin body with white blonde hair. It was one of the few times I could “almost” forget about a tramp stamp. The “horn fest” with the five guys is pretty good. It gets a lot better when she has all holes filled in the cowgirl position. That ass is well shaped and looks great getting corned. She is a pretty good multi-tasker but she is often distracted from “smoking the pony”. You don’t often find girls this pretty in porn so enjoy my friends. ASIA – This girl doesn’t work for me but I managed to fast forward through some of the scene. The best part is her “horn jobbing” some meaty tools. She is too professional during the sex for it to get me going. MARTINA – Nawe kid! Next!
|Young As They Cum #11|
Studio: Digital Sin
“Too Much Ink and Fake Acting”…
There are some hilarious ginormous lameo tats on the “brawn shot crew” actors. It was amazing to see a xxx movie with more tats on the dudes than the ladies. The actors dished out some large tool on these ladies but they handled it like pros…unfortunately. There were some flattering doggie style shots (medium shots and high-angle shots). ANN – her body is okay her face is cute. DAISY – this was shot in 2003 and I never recall her having so many tats even in newer movies. ANDER – bad teeth; nice ass; has too much of a white-t look to fire me up. BOO – cute face; really nice body and a good ass. Had this not been full of pros and a tat convention of male actors it might have been better. Next!
Studio: Digital Sin
“Worth 2 Hairs on a Burro’s Ass”…
I give one hair for each star I gave this movie. Only two girls are decent and they are ELISE and KELLY WELLS starring with SHANE DIESEL. Elise looks pretty similar in the movie as she does on the cover. She has the girl next door look and a pretty fine ass. Her face is rather ordinary up close and for some reason just not that pretty. The high-angle shot face-fucking during oral was pretty decent. The doggie-style is lousy as it consists of all low-angle and underneath shots. Weak! Where are the high-angle, panning and dragon position shots??? The missionary pile driver is good with those nice thin legs exposed and quality skin. There are WAY too many close-ups during the cowgirl action. The scene concludes with a lame dribbling finish off the mouth. Kelly isn’t any prize to look at but she has a nice petite body with a well-shaped small butt. She reminds me of your average girl in a Walmart on a Friday night about 9pm. Her chatter is mildly annoying with a superflous amount of cussing and dirty girl talk. The highlight here is comparing and contrasting shane’s dark-skinned moose cock dry-corning that small whitey butt-hole during doggie-style. There is something about a wide-load mule dick hammering a tiny butt doggie-style that works for me. Unfortunately, the rest of the girls were “nierney birney”. The lighting was overall pretty good but washed out a bit at times. The camera angles though were the major buzz kill here. I don’t know if there was one medium shot in the entire movie…at least not during penetration.
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