All Reviews by 2 Of Us
A Little Goes A Long Way
What makes us leave the DVD on? Even with porn, the answer is pretty simple: suspense and humor will do the trick.
With Five Rooms you will have to suspend a little disbelief -- time seems to have this unstable quality of moving from New Years Eve to a brightly lit window. And it's a little hard to believe in a hotel clerk/bellhop (Devinn) who is always leaving her post. But hey, it's all a joke, designed to get her into all five rooms! And there is suspense: what's she going to do with the passed-out naked body in the laundry cart?
She: I liked the variety of action: girl-girl-girl, foursome. He: A character who doesn't speak but does all this action -- that drew me in.
Our usual complaint: couple fucking in porn tends to follow the standard procedures. But the sweet couple in the middle really was sweet.
Our opinion: room for improvement, but not bad. We kept this awhile and made out to it a second time. A little humor and plot go a long way.
No Surprises Here
Okay, we confess! We use Aristotle when we evaluate porn. And of course, porn is all spectacle. But we are partial to plot and character, too, not just because we are fond of literature, but because plot and character bring surprise and suspense, which keep us looking at (and sometimes even imitating) the spectacle.
True Love has potential. Very basic story: “just friends” console each other in trouble and end up consoling each other in bed. So, despite the fact that the basic plot is predictable (you know well in advance they're going to do it), there is still some tension. How will this come about? And what will happen then? Unfortunately, every step of the way True Love is utterly predictable. (We did look at the “Making Of” video and saw the truth revealed. The script looks like it's about 20 typewritten pages long.) And it ends just when the plot could get interesting. They've finally hooked up; now what?
And character? Hey, porn people, here's a thought. Not everyone fucks the same way. True Love, though, follows the fucking manual – and we do mean the Manual of Screen Fucking: a little muff, a little head, a little mish, a little dog, a massive spurt across the face. Well, in the last one he does approach from behind first once they get into it. But that's it, the only variation. (She: I'm worried for Ms. Vincent. Her Standard Orgasm Face is going to give this girl some serious lines when she gets older.)
Still, the spectacle was okay. Vid quality and sound were pretty good. And if you don't mind the mindless repetition, the action was okay. We fondled through the first scene (wake-up sex, a nice change) and ate popcorn until the friends joined in the end. We both liked Vincent and St. Croix enough to do our own scene afterward. He: I wouldn't mind looking at Buffy again at the first. She: She *is* cute.
Final tally? You won't be robbed, but you won't find any hot surprises either.
|Wicked Sex Party #4|
Wall To Wall Exhausting
When we started this one up, it was kind of exciting. His fantasy, and not necessarily hers, but that can be fun sometimes, too.
The trouble was, we got bored and exhausted early on. In part, this is because of a convention in the porn genre of simultaneous sex. The simultaneous sex was there --lots of it -- but the thrill of it is hard to capture. The thrill, of course, is the erotic feedback from one couple (threesome, quad, chain, whatever) to another. All most porn does with this fantasy is give the quantity but not the quality. This video could have done it but didn't, and thus it was pretty bland.
She: we made love, but we had already turned off the video about a third of the way in. He: We talked about what *we* might have done differently. She: Talk like that makes nice love play, but then why rent the video? Our vote -- middle of the road, definitely.
We do like watching people make love. We don't like watching people go through the motions of making love. And, unfortunately, that's what we found here. Boring, yes.
...But there was one moment...
She: So they're doing doggie, in/out, in/out, in/out. Ho/hum. And then, slowly he slides his cock out and stops...and she smiles, and there's this moment of shiver.
He: And my partner ripped my clothes off and we had to do this.
Okay, here's what happened: a moment of honest sex. Friends, the secret of acting is *not to act.* And there was one moment there! She even hit the rewind button to see it (and fuck to it) again. But one moment does not a DVD make. The third star for that moment, but it's a brilliant moment in a two-star show.